wiped out

The greatest invention of the last decade is not HDTV. Not satellite radio. Not the birth control patch. Not even the blog. In my opinion, it is without a doubt the wet toilet paper wipes. Or butt wipes. I'm not sure what you call 'em. They're not the old wet wipes though. The ones everyone used to wipe baby butts with. Now that I think about it. What the hell took so long! Baby butt wipes have been around forever. How could the adult version have been missed for so long. My whole adult life I've been wiping my ass till my right arm gets all cramped up because regular toilet paper is inferior. I'm writing this because I just had a prairie dog pokin out & had to take him for a walk. I just let loose a late night dooky. My butt was working double doody today. I'm usually pretty regular with the morning dooky, first thing, before I take a shower. That way my butt is freshly cleaned for the rest of the day. I hate it when I take a dump and then have to go a long time without a shower. It's not as bad as it used to be though. I mean before the invention of the adult butt wipes. You could never really totally clean yourself with the regular stuff. There is always something left over.

Anyway, I ran out of the good stuff about a week ago. I still keep the dry junk around cause I still use it as a finisher. Kinda like a buffing after the wash and wax. I have the 1000 role paper. That's what I've always bought. The 2-ply and soft stuff would run out to fast. Anyway, even with the 1000 role, I swear I must have just now used half the roll on one dump. Both my legs where asleep and I was still wiping. It just can't clean. With the wet stuff, A few wipes and I'm good. And the scented wet stuff is even better. I still can't believe it took so long for this to come around. I can't believe everyone was content for so long with such an impotent method. Staring us in the face every shitting day "Is there no better way". I feel so stupid not to have been using the baby wipes for the last 38 years.

And how about this. When everyone was using the dry stuff for all those years, the only underwear you could get was the tidy whitey. How much more obvious could it have been. All those white dooky stained underwear. Screaming from those brown water washing machines "Hey idiots, Why don't you figure out a way to clean your asses!". Finally, after what has probably been 2000 years or more, someone figures it out. First the colored underwear. The only kind I wear. And then the real cure. At least it was invented in our generation. The most overdue, most overlooked, most useful, most life-changing invention of mankind as far as I'm concerned. Tonight I'm going to bed with a dirty butt, but at least its not raining.