Mr. Toad's Wild Ride

I went to a concert the other night with my girlfriend Bridget. Earth, Wind, & Fire & Chicago were doing a joint(reminds me of something I'll tell you later) ticket. You've probably heard of the bands. EWF are funk & Chicago ("just say you'll love me for the rest of my life") are pop with horns. Both are from the 70's 80's.

We were seated in the very back on the lawn area. The new Amphitheatre in Tampa, state of the art, NASA technology so I'm told, whatever. The sound was pretty good though. Holds about 20,000. The lawn is the cheap seats. You can rent chairs (can't bring them) at the top of the mound (hill) for $5. The lawn area slopes back to front toward the stage for better viewing. We sat on a blanket.

We were center stage, about 1/2 mile back. The smell of marijuana was a constant. In the back of us, about 5 feet and to the left, was a guy with messy hair and a beard (grateful dead). I think it was coming from him. He just laid there the whole time like he was high. Goofy smile and dumb eyes. Bridget didn't like it to much. She kept saying she couldn't breathe. I kept closing one eye and putting the band members on the guy's shoulder that was sitting in front of me so they looked like miniature people. EWF on the left shoulder were the little devils (they had the weird outfits) & Chicago on the right shoulder were the angels ("I got alot of love and I don't want to let go"). In front of us, about 10 feet and to the right, was a girl in a white mini and black tank top. next to her was a guy who kept pulling up his baggy pants. He had a crew cut ,if that's what you still call it. The girl was cracking me up all night. If you ever saw Elaine dance on Sienfeld, well that was her. A flailing mess. I swear it was Elaine. Next to her, baggy pants, looked like he was at a Salem witch hunt hanging. He kept screaming & throwing his fist in the air. "Hang the demon bitch" he could have been yelling. In front of us, about 5 feet and to the left, was a guy (looked like mid 40's). Stoned or wasted out of his mind. He Started doing this crazy stuff, half cart-wheel half back flip kinda move. Then he would go into a series of disco splits ( dropping to the ground one leg out straight and the other folded next to his butt). Like the stretches athletes do except going up & down from standing to wacking your nuts on the ground. At one point he tapped the shoulder of this girl in front of him so she could watch his amazing talent and impress her. He did his moves again and then went right up on her & started doing the booty dance (or whatever you call it). He looked like he was trying to dry hump her, like after that performance, she must be completely wooed and unable to resist his Dracula like seduction. It didn't last long. He was spent (not the way he wanted to be). He just sat on the ground the rest of the concert, occasionally having what looked like a mini seizure, and then not hardly moving.

Then something hit me in the leg. I was lying on my back on the blanket. I thought someone had thrown something at me, like a cup or a beer bottle. I never saw what it was. Then out of the corner of my eye I saw something go past my left side. I turned and looked behind me at the smoker and his friends and they were scurrying and looking down to their right along the crooked path created in between the hundreds of blankets. The whole time people kept yiping and scurrying. It looked kinda like the wave you see people do at sporting events. And the wave was moving really fast. I'd say about 10 mph. Anyway, I asked one of the smoker's friends what it was and she said it was a big frog. I'm guessing it was a big blind frog if it kept running into people like it did me. He was probably scared out of his freaken mind too. Think what it must be like finding yourself in the middle of a million giant alien creatures, flailing around, trashed, the smell of weed, pumping fists, disco splits, blaring funk. And you can't find the god damn exit.

The concert ended, everyone filed out, alot of them stumbling. The grassy noll now full of empty green chairs and trash. It was an awesome show. But I don't think anyone that night went on a trip like Mr. Toad's Wild Ride.